Dark Lordess

:D :D This could just be me because I'm really picky about this but i didn't like how often you used the word 'flower.' I don't know if you can ...

The wind tore at his back, whipping through his brown locks. Maybe it was just me but I thought this sentence sounded like he had a hairy back. :P I ...

:D Lusien turned her head to glance at the guard entering through the door. I thought this part made it sound like the guard came in the cell. I know ...

Demons* never keep promises. This was a great end to the prologue. Chapter One: Dashing through the trees I could smell his scent intoxicating me. It wrapped around me, covering ...

I really like your story! :D ...I unlocked the door anyway and poked my head outside; both eager and afraid to see what had made the noise; hoping that I ...

:D Very very good! :D Chapter One: His almond-brown eyes fixed on the man with his usual intensity… Maybe I’m picky but I think it would sound better with their. ...

Very good start. I especially like how you show us she's a wolf, (At least at the beginning.) instead of just telling us. She started to snarl, but the warning ...

:D I really liked your beginning sentences. Taya saw he was lying in his hazel eyes. "You're lying. I know you are." I might be getting picky on this but ...

Please space out your paragraphs! I got lost reading it... Tyr sighed and rolled his eyes. "Just open the damn gate Wryil, it took us forever to get down here ...

You had a few typos and such but that could be fixed with a quick proofread. I also noticed you had a few problems with wiped/wipped riding/ridding. If there are ...

Yae! It's here! And I was quite happy that Strick was somewhat happy for a while in this chapter. Anyways... I did sorta think Creiha got mad a little too ...

:D Very good. ...and the gargoyles grin sickeningly . Dressed in shabby, torn traveling clothes, his body is gaunt, and sickeningly thin. Okay, I'm really picky about this, but maybe ...

Very good. :D However, I was a bit confused by the last few paragraphs, when the Dav-Kar appear. It seemed to move too fast. Did only one of them destroy ...

Welcome to YWS! I agree with Miyaviloves. The descriptions were good but it was too much of an information dump. Teens of mixed ages darted across the grass, scattering the ...

Very good start to a story! :D One thing I noticed is you changed your character's name halfway through. (From Equil to Equal) He plowed a wide ditch with a ...